First off, we of ASEMBLE would like to say we are sorry for taking so long in making this episode. Lots of things have been happening. Second off, I have been recently kidnapped and an imposter of me, calling himself Rattman the Pryo, has taken over the episode. What the heck, man?! How can you [...]

Well everyone, after months upon months of waiting, we finally know what Cave Johnson was planning for his little test chamber experiment thing, or what we know as, the “2nd DLC”. Genius, it is, having Apertures from other universes making test chambers for us and we “stealing” them. And the name is interesting too, Perpetual [...]

Work, work, work. It seems that’s all we’ve been doing these past weeks. However, just because it’s work, doesn’t mean it’s fun. Zbot and I are happy to announce that one of our personality cores has landed itself in another universe, a universe in which dragons rule and houses are not made of certifiably safe, [...]

Well Zbot and I just came into work the morning of this recording and guess what we saw? Aperture Science employees laying all around and next to every one of them was a glass of strange colored liquids. We analyzed them and found that there were 3 types of liquids: two were similar in molecular [...]

Alright, alright, I’m coming. Sorry everyone, been busy. Well, sort of. Zbot and I have been having a blast with all the work we’ve been doing. Normally we’re not suppose to be partying, but because Cave is out of commission, we’re be rebellious and having a little celebration. If you haven’t seen our last journal [...]

Hello there, test subjects. This is Caroline speaking. The reason that Codename and Zbot are not doing the description for this episode is because they are too busy eating candy and scaring children, even though they know it’s not Halloween. (Codename: “Bwahahahaha!”) Everyone is a child at heart it seems. So I will now say [...]

At last, after months of waiting, Valve has finally released the latest Aperture Science content that we had sent them months ago. What have they been doing all this time? Greedily going through those test chambers and keeping them for themselves, that’s what. Well, who cares, it’s out now and we love it. While we [...]

Well everyone, it’s now my time to write this summary. You see, after we told Cave Johnson we had no guest host and got no emails he became really pissed off. Then he started cursing, then foaming at the mouth, and fell to the floor where he began to make spasmodic movements. After that we [...]

Cave Johnson here. It seems like after releasing our first ASEMBLE episode that some people seem to think that this is nothing but a big publicity stunt. Maybe we haven’t been using enough initiative. So here’s the deal; our hosts use something called a “Steam group” as their main place of operations and they said [...]

Cave Johnson here. You have been cordially invited to be our first victims, I mean test subjects, of our newest invention, the Aperture Science Entertainment and Media Broadkast for Latest Enhancements, or ASEMBLE for short. Our top experts have been developing this for quite a while in order to further promote our products. Eat your [...]